I'm glad I finished reading the article and saw that you continued learning and setting boundaries, because this is definitely a misconception.

Indeed, even in relationships with "primary" or "anchor" partners, it is considered blatantly unethical to tell your partner who they can and can't date. This is called "veto power" and is largely frowned upon.

There's a strong emphasis in the polyamorous community on the difference between rules and boundaries. Boundaries are constraints you put on yourself and your relationships, and should be respected. Rules dictate what other people do, and are unethical.

For example, it is unethical to say you can't date this person. However, it is perfectly ethical to say I will not continue to date you if you date this person.

It's a fine line, but it seems like that's eventually exactly what you did, and that's wonderful!

That said, Zachary definitely made some other unethical choices at the beginning. He absolutely should have disclosed right in his profile that he was polyamorous. And when you two began dating, he should have initiated a conversation about what it meant for your relationship, asked you about your boundaries (like the perfectly acceptable boundary of not asking out other women in front of you), and come up with some mutual agreements about how you two should behave within your relationship. It sounds like he did none of that.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting anything to do with polyamory at all. I am glad that you figured it out, set your boundary, and held your ground without blaming the entire concept of polyamory.

Thank you for sharing!